You keep ending up in the same fight. And somehow, you both end up feeling alone.
Couples therapy with Elka Cubacub, LCSW helps you understand what's happening beneath the fight, so you can stop feeling like opponents and start working through it together.
Book a free 15-min discovery call.In-person couples therapy in North Phoenix near 40th Street and Bell Road · Telehealth sessions available in Arizona and Illinois.
Elka Cubacub, LCSW
Elka works with couples who feel caught in painful communication patterns and want a steadier way to talk through difficult things. Her approach is grounded, direct, and collaborative.
Sessions focus on what happens between you in real conversations, not just what each person thinks the other needs to change. Together, you look at what each of you is actually protecting against when things get hard, and how to get through difficult conversations without losing each other in them.
Elka is trained in the Gottman Method Levels 1 and 2, the most extensively researched approach to couples therapy.
You can feel it happen before the fight fully starts.
A question comes out sharper than intended. A pause feels like rejection. One of you keeps trying to explain, fix, or get an answer. The other shuts down, gets defensive, or tries to get out of the conversation.
Then somehow, within a few minutes, you are back in the same painful place.
Most couples are not just fighting about the dishes. Or the tone. Or the text that went unanswered. Those things hurt. But they are usually not what the fight is actually about.
Underneath it, one partner feels criticized, alone, or not good enough. The other feels overwhelmed, blamed, or like nothing they do is ever right. So one of you reaches harder to be heard, and the other pulls further away to get relief.
That is what keeps happening. And it can change.
"In order to be with you, I need to give up something fundamental of myself."
When Issues Feel Stuck
Some couples come in because the same painful conversation keeps repeating. Others come in because a particular issue has become gridlocked. Money, parenting, intimacy, family boundaries, where to live, or how responsibilities are divided.
Sometimes the issue looks practical on the surface, but it carries much deeper meaning underneath. When a conversation starts to feel that loaded, it becomes harder to listen. Each person is no longer only responding to the topic. They are also responding to what the topic seems to say about their needs, values, safety, or place in the relationship.
One person may feel that in order to stay, they have to give up something fundamental about who they are. The other may feel that nothing they offer is ever enough.
Therapy helps you name what is actually at stake for each of you. Not to decide who is right, but to make enough room for both of you to be heard.
This May Be A Good Fit If
- You keep having the same argument, even when the topic changes.
- One of you pushes to resolve it. The other goes quiet or pulls away.
- Small moments escalate faster than either of you can slow down.
- Certain topics have become impossible to bring up without it going badly.
- You have both tried to communicate better. It has not changed the pattern.
- You want to work on this before the distance becomes harder to close.
What You May Work On In Sessions
In therapy, you are not just talking about the argument after it happened. You are learning to recognize what starts it.
You may work on catching the moment a conversation begins to shift, before it gets too fast to slow down. On understanding what each of you is actually protecting against when things get hard. On saying what you need without it coming out as an accusation, and staying present when your partner says something that is difficult to hear.
The work is practical. It connects directly to the conversations you are trying to have at home, in the car, over dinner, after work, or right before bed when both of you are already tired.
Over time, the hard moments do not disappear. But they become easier to move through, and you feel more like you are facing them together.
You Do Not Need To Have The Whole Story Figured Out
You do not need to explain your relationship perfectly before reaching out.
You can start with the thing that keeps happening. The same argument. The shutdown. The defensiveness. The feeling that you cannot bring something up without it going badly. The moment when both of you end up somewhere you did not want to be.
That is enough to begin.
How To Get Started
Schedule a free 15-min call
Pick a time to talk through what has been happening and what you are hoping could feel different.
Share what feels stuck
You do not need to explain everything perfectly. Start with the thing that keeps coming up.
See whether it feels like a fit
The call is a chance to get a sense of how Elka works, ask any questions you have, and decide whether moving forward feels right.
Schedule your first session
In person in Phoenix, or telehealth if you are in Arizona or Illinois.
Common Questions
We always end up arguing about who started it. Will therapy just be more of that?
No. The goal is not to put one person on trial. Couples therapy looks at the pattern between you, how each person gets pulled into it, and what can change so hard conversations do not keep ending the same way.
What if my partner is unsure about therapy?
Many couples start with one partner feeling more ready than the other. The discovery call is a low pressure way to understand what the process looks like, ask questions, and decide whether it feels worth trying. You do not both need to be fully convinced before taking the first step.
What if things are not terrible, but they are not good either?
That is a valid reason to reach out. Couples therapy is not only for relationships in crisis. It can also help when the same issues keep surfacing, the distance is growing, or you want support before the pattern becomes harder to repair.
What if I do not know how to explain what is wrong?
You do not need to explain it perfectly. You can start with the thing that keeps happening: the same fight, the shutdown, the resentment, the distance, or the feeling that normal conversations keep turning into something bigger.
Is the discovery call therapy?
No. It is a brief conversation to talk through what has been happening, answer any questions you have, and see whether working together feels like the right next step.
Do you offer in person and online sessions?
Yes to both. In person sessions are available in Phoenix. Telehealth is available for clients in Arizona and Illinois.
How much do sessions cost?
Couples therapy sessions are private pay. Standard 60-minute sessions are $175. For couples who want more time to work through something in a single session, extended 90-minute sessions are available at $250. The discovery call is a chance to ask about scheduling, fit, and anything else before moving forward.
Do you offer sessions in Spanish?
Sessions are currently only offered in English.
Is couples therapy appropriate if there has been abuse or violence?
If there is immediate danger, abuse, or a safety concern, couples therapy may not be the right first step. If you are in immediate danger, please contact emergency services or a local crisis resource: The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233.
Start With a 15-Minute Zoom Discovery Call
You do not need to have everything figured out before you reach out. This call is a chance to talk through what has been happening, get a sense of how Elka works, and decide whether moving forward feels right for you.
In person sessions in Phoenix. Telehealth available in Arizona and Illinois.
The same fight keeps coming back.
Underneath it, both of you are trying to be heard, and both of you are ending up alone.
Therapy gives you a place to understand what is actually happening between you, and to find a different way through it together.
Start with one 15-minute conversation.
Let's talk. Schedule your free call.In person in Phoenix · Telehealth available in Arizona and Illinois